However, adoption is also sometimes a delicate situation. Sometimes well-meaning people say things they mean as a help that actually can be hurtful. I want to honestly say that I have not been hurt by any of my friends/family and the discussions I have had. I try and look at the person's heart and know that they mean well and just don't understand how I feel.... and I don't expect them to completely understand. Another thing that helps is that I don't tend to be overly sensitive (although I am a girl and I have my moments.)
With that being said, I want to share a post from my Adoption Conultant's blog. People who have not gone through adoption may not be able to completely understand the feelings of an adoptive family, however, they can be aware of how to say some things and not to say other things. I want to be very clear, I have not been upset or hurt by anyone who has talked with me. If you read one of the things on the "Not to Say List", and realize you have said it, please don't worry about it. I have probably forgotten you even said it. Also, not all of the comments that are referred to in the blog bother me when asked. I have even thought or said some of these things to other adoptive parents before I was on this side of adoption. I just want to share so that you will be aware of how some adoptive families perceive certain phrases and statements. The post is also amusing to read what some crazy strangers say to adoptive families. I was floored by some of the ridiculous things that strangers have said to adoptive parents.
I want to urge you to keep asking me questions and sharing words of encouragement. If you don't know what to say or how to say it, just tell me that. I want to talk about it. I want to be asked. Below is the link to Carlee's blog post:
What Not to Say