Also, I have a confession to make... my attitude has not been very good these past couple of weeks. For some reason, I have gone from optimism with adoption and being chosen to being grumpy, pessimistic and also jealous. (I hate to admit that last one.) I haven't quite put my finger on the reason for the change. In the past 2 days, I have seen the following phrase in 2 of the blogs that I have been following: Choose Joy. That is what I need to do.
Despite my situation, I can and should choose joy. I cannot change the fact that we are currently not able to have biological children. I cannot change the fact that we desperately want to be parents but remain childless. I cannot change the fact that we have to wait to be chosen. I cannot change the fact that I have little to no control over this process called adoption. However, I can change my attitude and what I choose to think about. I can choose to have joy. I have so many things to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally. (Today I forgot my name badge that functions as a key at work, and he drove out of his way to bring it to me. He really is the best!) I have the worlds cutest and sweetest puppy dog. I have a house that I love that keeps me warm and dry. I have family that cares for me. I have church family that is incredibly supportive. I have co-workers who are also my friends. I have friends that listen and let me be real. I am truly blessed. I need to focus on my blessings and choose joy.
~James 1:2 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds..."
So I am trying my very hardest to choose joy. I figure if I tell everyone I have to follow through with it, and I cannot wallow in my bad attitude. Some days are easier to choose joy and others are a bit of a chore. Today has been an easier one to choose joy. I am hoping that choosing joy will be like working out a muscle and it will get easier with time and use.
As always, I will keep you updated as to what we find out about this latest situation.